Task Suggestions from Maulana Aslam

Today I popped on over to the Sultan Bahu Masjid in Mayfair to have a chat with the imam, Maulana Mahomed Aslam Suliman, who is generally an all-round cool and likeable fellow (I should know, since he performed my nikah a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…). Oh, and just as an aside, I don’t follow any particular madhab, I just appreciate religious organisations such as this one for the good work that they do in the community.

He was pleased to hear of the Fasting For Change initiative and happily filled me in on the events the masjid has got planned for the upcoming month of Ramadan as follows:

* Distribution of 500 food hampers to the needy

* Haleem distribution every Saturday during Ramadan between 3 to 5 p.m.

* Iftaar food distributed to approximately 300 men every night in Ramadan

* L’tikaaf program for approximately 30 men – sehri and iftaar meals provided

* Food hampers are also made by the learners at the Sultan Bahu Madressah and given out at a special assembly during Ramadan

* The Sultan Bahu Centre also runs a children’s home for approximately 25-30 orphaned children from a wide range of ages and family backgrounds, and clothing donations are welcome for these kids, as well as any other initiative we might want to take to fill their lives with a little more love and attention.

* Appa Zaybun runs revert classes every Saturday between 10am and 12pm, any enquiries regarding helping out that particular class of ladies can call 011 837 6185.

As far as helping us out with our spiritual task, Maulana Aslam suggested that we check out some of the special programmes being held during Ramadan which include the following:

* Q&A session with Ml. Aslam every Sunday after Zuhr salaat

* Talks and lectures held every night (for the men only, unfortunately) in the last ten nights of Ramadan after Taraweeh.

The Maulana and his team at the Sultan Bahu Centre do lots of good work, so if you are thinking of helping out with any of the above initiatives, please contact him on 011 839 2025.

If anyone knows of any other special talks or programmes being held anywhere in Johannesburg, Durban or Cape Town that Fasting For Change participants can attend – especially those that include or are specifically geared towards ladies - please put the details up on our Facebook page.

Thanks

Hajira

The Fasting for Change Challenge

After my last blog post on what our aspirations and goals should be over the fasting month, it occurred to me that setting some real, thinking-out-of-the-box goals for the month might be just the thing to get us in the right mood to experience a Ramadan unlike any other. So I’m challenging all my blog buddies – Hamish, Queen Lestat, Azaad, Azra, Zakiya, MJ, Saaleha One, Saaleha Two, Fatima and anyone else on Facebook and Twitter who would like to participate.

The challenge is thus: pick three tasks which have to be done during the month of Ramadan which would make a positive difference to the world, no matter how big or small. Ask friends and friends of friends to do it with you, and then blog about it or if you don’t have a blog, send me an e-mail and pictures describing what you did. I will have a link to all related posts on my blog and we will from there be able to calculate all the good that has been done.

The end result? Before Eid we will have completed a knock-on effect project that will have contributed towards making a real difference, for ourselves, for others and for the environment.

Why three tasks, you might ask? It would be the goal to do a good deed in three distinct fields to make it well-rounded: humanitarian, environmental and spiritual. It doesn’t have to cost you money or take up huge chunks of time. Just three little things that you think might make a difference for the better.

I have compiled a list of suggestions in all three categories to help get the ball rolling, but lots of heads are better than one, so add your own suggestions in the comments below for anyone to use as they wish.

Humanitarian

- Volunteer at Habitat for Humanity to build eco-friendly housing for those who need it most.

- Bake cupcakes or other edible goodies and give them to children who don’t ever get the chance to enjoy treats like this.

- Donate old clothes or toys to welfare organisation or children’s home

- Rustle up some educational toys and children’s books to a crèche or primary school

- Ask Age-in-Action if there is an old age home in your area that could benefit from a visit

- Collect teddy bears for the Teddy Bear Clinic for abused children

- For the school-kids: get people to sponsor you for each day that you fast and donate the money to your favourite charity

Environmental

- Plant your own vegetable garden in time for spring

- Plant an indigenous tree

- See how far you can cut down on your use of plastic packaging, harsh chemicals and energy in the home

- For the creative talents among us: make innovative, funky designs out of junk like this

- Boycott BP – I have said it many times on my Facebook page, but I don’t think it can be said enough – the company that is responsible for spilling five million barrels of oil since April 20th in the beautiful Gulf of Mexico and ecologically sensitive wetlands of Louisiana. Don’t buy their petrol and don’t go to the convenience stores – if the forecourt owner had half a brain, he would already have switched brands to another oil company by now.

- In addition to fasting, why not try to go vegetarian for a week? Eating beef, lamb and chicken has a high impact on global warming due to methane pollution, plus growing the amount of grains to feed these animals contributes directly to deforestation. Eating fish also has a negative impact on ocean life, as overfishing is a problem shared by just about every country in the world, including South Africa. There are plenty of tasty vegetarian dishes out there that could just make you want to give up meat forever.

- Don’t buy plastic bags when you go shopping – they are only partly biodegradable and the ink they are printed with is highly toxic to the environment. Rather invest in long-lasting material bags and take them with you every time you go shopping instead.

- Join Greenpeace and the WWF and become online activists.

*I am also waiting to hear back from Greenpeace Africa for a list of environmentally-friendly tips and possibly some field activities where we could get directly involved. When I get that I will add an update on to this section.

Spiritual

- Attend a halqa or taalim class at your local mosque. You might discover you don’t actually know everything there is to know about your religion

- Get connected to the religious leaders in your area you feel comfortable with and attend talks and lectures.

- Participate in mosque activities and think of ways to get families more involved in the masjid. I was invited to a Shia mosque in the UK during Ramadan and I was blown away by the level of spirituality, participation and togetherness enjoyed by men, women and children alike.

- Write about your spiritual thoughts and experiences during Ramadan. Use the opportunity to share positive stories. Dig deep and confront some of the big issues which are challenges to us as South African Muslims: race, caste, gender issues, extremism, societal ills, greed and wealth.

- instead of stuffing yourself at iftaar time with unhealthy fries and oily curries, why not get personally involved with distributing wholesome food to needy Muslims at iftaar time and eat with them?

For all the cynics out there (viz: those who like to crack wise-ass comments and then go back to fantasising about iftaar time), this is NOT an attempt to jump up and down and say, “look at me and how good I am!” – but rather an opportunity to start something that galvanises us as a group of people into action as opposed to inaction.

This month of fasting and prayer are only the beginnings of the realisation that we are more fortunate than others out there in this world. And yes, we can donate money to charity, something which many of us will be doing before the month is out. But throwing money at a problem can’t always be the solution – there need to be individuals behind the resources who are committed to giving their time and energy to changing the status quo.

Please put your name down in the comments to indicate your willingness to participate and tell me what you are thinking of doing. Get creative and remember it’s all for a good cause. Remember, it’s not fun unless you take pictures (and no disgusting comments from the tuppenny seats please – I know your filthy minds)! If there are enough people on board to make it interesting I will create a Facebook page and let everyone post their own pictures and links.

An honest look at Ramadan: finding hope

For many Muslims, Ramadan means different things. It comes around once a year, and each year we find ourselves in a different place than we did the year before. We may be in different surroundings – it may be somebody’s first year as part of a married couple; someone else’s first year as a divorcee. Perhaps it is someone’s nervous first fast in a strange town where they are away from their family, and maybe someone else across the road is feeling reluctant to deprive themselves of food for 30 days.

Somehow though, we always find ourselves hoping that this year will be better than the last. We always promise ourselves in the days leading up to Ramadan that this year we will take the opportunity to be much more pious, we will sit and read Qur’an, we won’t engage in gossip or slander, we really will keep ourselves from getting angry and we will be sitting on that musallah each time the Azaan sounds, five times a day.

By the last week of Ramadan, reality has bitten hard and I think most of us feel quite ashamed to look at ourselves in the mirror because we are all dying for the last ten days to go by already. What amazes me is that there are those who lie through their teeth and say that they are enjoying the last blessed ten days just because that’s what everybody says. Fasting is not the Oxford definition of fun - it’s supposed to be a test that gets harder as your body gets older and more decrepit each year.

Every year we tell ourselves that this is the year we are going to make that positive change for good, that when the month is over, that the Qur’an won’t ever be gathering dust again up on the top shelf, that those skinny jeans will not win over more modest clothing, that we really will indeed this year stop smoking for good.

Then Eid day comes around, and by the time the Zuhr Azaan sounds, we have already forgotten that we promised ourselves we would become permanent five-time namazis.

Round and round we go, each year, making the dizzying transition from gangsta rap to Qari Ziyaad Patel and back again in a matter of weeks. Where does it all end? Will we just stop making the effort one of these years?

There are a number of things that I personally don’t do during Ramadan. I don’t rush through the Arabic Qur’an, with no idea of what I’m reading, just so I can khatam it x amount of times in the month. I don’t spend my day slaving over a stove so that I can lay on a fantastic spread for my family that will go to waste because our eyes are bigger than our stomachs. I don’t spend the month pretending to be more pious than I usually am on any other month in the year. I think those kinds of things defeat the object of what it’s supposed to be about.

To me, Ramadan means a lot of things. Indeed, for me, Ramadan takes on a different meaning every time it comes around. Every year it has taught me a singular, clear lesson, and I believe it does so for everyone who allows themselves a little genuine introspection instead of mindlessly going through the motions and rituals just because everyone else is doing it. If you use Ramadan as a true litmus test for your faith, Allah will surprise and reward you every time.

The fasting month is the holiest of all months in the Muslim calendar. The first surahs of the Holy Qur’an were revealed in this month to the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) and it continues to be a month where problems are resolved, truths are revealed and beliefs strengthened.

Even if you didn’t accomplish all those things you said you would do during this month and after it, if you came out of it with your imaan strengthened, even if only slightly, wouldn’t you consider your spiritual self to have won a victory against your physical self, even if it is only a small victory? It means you live to fight another day; that you continue to strive towards the Creator despite the difficulties you face.

The philosophical essence of Islam is “surrender” – complete and utter acknowledgement that Allah is the disposer of all our worldly affairs and that He will not forsake us if we ask Him for help, nor give us a burden greater than we can bear. There can never be peace without trust.

I hope that all of you have a blessed Ramadan this year wherever you are. Asalaamu alaikum!

Breaking the blockade of Gaza. One dead body at a time.

This morning I woke up to news that made my stomach churn with anger and utter disbelief. The Freedom Flotilla, a convoy of nine boats carrying aid to Palestinians living under siege in the Gaza Strip, was attacked in the early hours of Monday morning in international waters by Israeli security forces. Video cameras streaming live showed the moments the Israelis being lowered down on ropes from a helicopter gunship, while heavily-armoured warships flanked the aid boat on either side.

The men that came on board from the helicopters were armed to the teeth with automatic rifles, bulletproof vests and night vision goggles. It must have been the most alarming sight to see them descending from the ropes, fingers on hair triggers.

The activists on the deck of the Mavi Marmara, the lead vessel in the convoy, were obviously frightened but determined they would not go down without a fight. There was an ensuing melee. I did see an activist give an Israeli a good couple of thwacks with a folding chair, just like they do in the fake wrestling programs you see on TV. But I never saw a wrestler get shot dead for hitting someone with a chair.

As yet, the Israeli government has still not confirmed the exact number of dead, but sources have put it at 19 thus far, with up to 60 people wounded. The remaining activists were escorted to the port city of Ashdod in Southern Israel, where the wounded were taken to hospital and the others were held in a makeshift detention camp where they would be processed and probably deported later. The 10,000 tonnes of aid in the boats would be unloaded, checked, searched and slowly “dripped” into Gaza at the mercy of the Israeli government. Dangerous and subversive contraband, such as cement, would not be allowed into the Strip due to a ban already in place.

The Free Gaza Movement organised this flotilla with the aim of breaking the siege that has been strangling the people of Gaza for three years. The group was comprised of approximately 700 pro-Palestinian activists from over 50 countries, including a Nobel Laureate and several European legislators (including a Turkish MP who was found to be one of the victims killed in the military operation).

However, the Israeli Army (I refuse to call it the Israeli Defense Force) would have you believe that the people who organised the flotilla are part of a “radical Muslim organisation” with ties to Al-Qaeda and Hamas (yeah, like my grandmother. If you had to believe the Israelis, only that Muslim gal who was a stripper before she became Miss America doesn’t have ties to Al-Qaeda, and that’s probably only because she doesn’t wear enough clothing for her to conceal a bazooka underneath).

Andy David from the Israeli foreign ministry would like to convince you that these people “were not there to deliver peacefully (sic) humanitarian aid. They were waiting with knives, with metal bars. They were there to attack.” The Israeli Deputy Foreign Minister, Daniel Ayalon, referred to the Freedom Flotilla as an “armada of hate and violence”. And to think that they pay their PR people top dollar.

Other spokespersons from the Israeli Army tried to defend their trigger-happy behaviour by saying that the activists were waiting for them and they were “lynched”. Because that’s what peace activists do. And the Israelis were so defenceless and afraid for their lives. They are also obviously too underfunded and backwards to have heard of tear gas, rubber bullets or crowd control training.

I hate that anyone had to die or even get hurt for this, but if anything, it will make Joe Bloggs more immune to the brown stuff that is constantly being spewed out of the Israeli PR machine. It also shows the power of social media. Twitter and Facebook have been overloaded by today’s events, and I’d like to think that ordinary folk have made a difference in bringing the issue home to all of us. Today, we shared, discussed, argued, re-tweeted and got information directly from the ground.

That’s the kind of democracy and freedom of speech that counts, but it’s also the kind that the leaders of the “free world” don’t really like because it can’t be edited to suit them. Today, the Israelis found themselves on the back foot while trying to bluff their way out, and everyone in the world has called their bluff.

Tuneless Muezzins – criticism IS fair

I read an interesting article today on how Istanbul’s muezzins, after a slew of complaints from local residents, have been sent for voice training classes to ensure that they are able to give a melodic, spiritual Azaan in the correct tempo for the correct time of day.

So why can't we send our South African muezzins for voice training? I don't mean to be offensive, but some of our muezzins here in Johannesburg sound like zombies on tik. If Hazrat Bilal RA could hear them droning on as though they were doing the world a favour, he would be turning in his kabr.

Reading Azaan is an honour and a privilege, and yes, it is a task which many of the modern” in-name-only-Muslims” would never have time to do. It comes with a great sawab, but also a great responsibility.

Done correctly, it has the ability to make the heart of a human being yearn with willingness to prostrate before his Creator, burst to seek the understanding and wisdom of the Universe and bleed at the sheer beauty and inexplicable sadness of the call itself. Done incorrectly, it can make the die-hard Jamat-wallah want to bury his head deep into his pillow and beg for mercy.

At least in Istanbul one can actually complain about a tuneless Azaan and be taken seriously, but any voices of dissent here are drowned in a sea of stubborn dismissals from the ulema as follows:

“Can you do it better? You are welcome to come and try.”

“The muezzin is making a sacrifice in his old age to get up for Fajr and make Azaan. You are being rude.”

“Why are you mocking your pious fellow Muslim who is doing a service to Allah?”

Being “funny” about it doesn’t change the fact that the guy is croaking instead of singing and is turning the faithful into munafiqun instead of turning the unbelievers into Mu’mineen.

When Hazrat Bilal RA gave his last ever Azaan at the funeral prayer of Rasulullah SAW, it was so filled with deep spirituality and love for Islam and the Prophet of Allah that none who stood in the courtyard of the mosque at that moment was untouched. Tears ran down the Jamat’s faces and sobbing filled the courtyard.

Every muezzin should aspire to re-creating that feeling among the members of the Ummah who hears the Azaan. Muslims in South Africa are descended mainly from Indians in Durban and Johannesburg and in Cape Town from Malaya and Indonesia. Correct me if I’m wrong, but people from India are known for their ability to belt out tunes.

Once I heard a Jummah Azaan that was given by an old man who sounded as though he was in sakraat. Halfway through the thing, he came to a stop and began to choke very loudly over the loudspeaker and everyone on the street stopped what they were doing, fearfully wondering if he was going to die mid-Azaan. Luckily, he lived to croak another day.

Why is it that as South African Muslims we have lost our pride to such an extent that being a Muezzin is a “dirty” job, suitable only for old men who have retired and are waiting for death? Or might already have died, judging from some of their voices.

Perhaps another point to raise is that as parents, do we only aspire for our children to become doctors and lawyers, and leave the religious jobs to the retarded ones whose only other option is working in “Deddy”’s hardware store? So is your faith in the material life of this world or in what is awaiting us in the Aakhirah?

Non-Muslims who live among us in our communities must hate us so, so badly.

The question on my mind is: are we ready to change the way we represent ourselves as Muslims in this country? If we put our minds to it, we too can get a trainer to help our faithful old muezzins hit the high notes and train some younger ones the correct way.

Glossary of South African / Muslim terms for Americans and other people on tik:

Muezzin: is a chosen person at the mosque who leads the call (azaan) to the five daily prayers (salat) from one of the mosque's minarets (in most modern mosques, electronic amplification aids the muezzins)
Azaan: the Islamic call to prayers, given five times a day from mosques
Tik: Methamphetamine
Munafiqun: sing. Munafiq – one who is a hypocrite, mocks other Muslims behind their backs
Kabr: the grave
Aakhirah: the hereafter or afterlife
Sakraat – in the throes of death, on one’s deathbed
Mu’mineen (sing. Mu’min) – Believers in the One God of Moses, Jesus and Muhammad (peace be upon them)
Jamat – (collective noun) the attendees of the prayers at mosque
Jummah – the Friday noon prayers
Ulema - religious leaders and scholars
Sawab - heavenly reward

Dear United States, How can we take you seriously?

On the heels of Saturday’s attempted bombing of Times Square, Washington has announced the detention of a scapegoat US citizen of Pakistani origin, Faisal Shahzad.

According to the US Attorney-General, Eric Holder, the suspect returned from a trip to Pakistan, bought a Nissan Pathfinder, rigged it amateurishly with propane, fireworks and ticking clocks, then paraded around in front of CCTV cameras so that the authorities could get a good look at him before running off and trying to board a plane for Dubai.

This is so hilarious it almost made me slap my thigh. Almost.

On Sunday, New York’s Mayor and head of the NY Chapter of the Illuminati Michael Bloomberg said in a carefully worded statement: “We Al-Qaeda didn’t do it. We are sure of this because we didn't instruct the CIA to do it there is no evidence to support this claim”.

After the City Police Chief, Raymond Kelly, revealed that police were examining CCTV footage of the bomber, he told the media that he was looking for a “white male in his forties”.

Now they are telling us they caught the evil, naughty, Pakistani Islamist just before he could run away to Dubai. He’s not white. He’s not even 40. He’s a brown-skinned 30-year-old guy. Way to go, NYPD!

Now, I’m no naughty, evil, smelly Asian terrorist, but I have a couple of brain cells to rub together. If I were to think of planning something like this, it kind of stands to reason that I would want to cover my tracks a bit if I was planning to make an escape and not commit suicide like most of the CIA-programmed sleepers terrorists do these days. Would I use my own car with registration plates and VIN attached, proudly proclaiming to the world who the car belonged to? Uh, no. Would I make a bomb that hissed, emitted clouds of smoke and had CLOCKS THAT TICKED????? Good Lord! Would I then arm the bomb and walk around in a famous place with lots and lots of surveillance cameras for all the world to see me? Uh…. No. Would I bother to do it at all if all it was going to was maybe make a little fireball? I’d rather just run a couple of people over with the car, it would be more effective, and this being New York City, maybe no-one would even notice.

So you see, America, perhaps if you got your story straight in the first place, people might be more inclined to believe you your lies. Almost makes us blind sheep miss Richard Nixon, doesn’t it?

Marriage: flatulence, warts and back hair.

Women spend a lot of time looking for their soulmate. The “One”, the proverbial knight in shining armour, the man with the golden member. Whatever. Guys might think they’re looking for the “One” (you know: cooks, cleans, is contracted to wipe your mother’s backside when she becomes too old to eat solid food, etc. Oral sex is a plus.), but in reality, most guys will settle for whatever they land up with, as long as it has nice breasts.

The truth is, there's no such thing as a soulmate. There's simply a process that must be followed in marriage, and not everyone has the stomach for it. Sometimes the mixture goes green and has to be thrown out.

Guys don’t often look at the long-term picture here. Breasts hardly ever last forever - even the fake ones. Usually they are so surprised that a real live woman lets him touch her, he will, after enough nagging, settle down and have 2.5 kids. Trouble is, Married Utopia is like cheese – it may taste pretty nice, but after a while it gets stale and eventually, slightly furry. Especially after 2.5 kids.

Women have a knack for working with what they have. They will take that weedy underpaid office clerk and make him into that knight in shining armour, or he will die trying. Women see men as malleable lumps of clay, waiting to be moulded into a desirable shape with a late model car. She dutifully reminds him daily of his shortcomings and inspires him to be a richer, more successful man who will give her more money. She never gives up until he has become a tortured shadow of the dream she married. Still, by the time she has it, it is hard to deny the fact that he is balding and farts when he is nervous.

Men, on the other hand, tend to get disheartened quite easily. Just one year into the future, your glamorous sexy wife is transformed into a lumpy, misshapen mutant that either cries when you touch her or leaks milk out of her breasts, which, incidentally, used to be the object of desire of all the guys but now resembles uncooked dough in two long plastic bags.

So, you’ve been married ten years and your husband has avoided all your attempts to murder him and collect the inheritance. You’ve twice caught him texting other women and he now has enough scars and just enough brain cells left not to try it again. Your kids are big enough to start becoming their own people, and you have both realised that they are the kind of people you don’t really want to know. Getting to that plateau is the key. It is only then that the two of you will finally unite in mind, cellulite-stricken body and capitulating soul. The war is over. It is time to call a truce, wax each other’s backs and avoid your kids at all costs.